TERRY JORDAN, LCSW, DCSW
Q: How
does therapy work?
A: Most, if not all of our trauma occurs in
the context of interpersonal relationships.
Therefore, healing would naturally occur in the context of a trusting,
safe, reliable relationship. The
building of this new relationship itself provides a “corrective emotional
experience”. A skilled therapist makes
it safe for you to talk about those things you have either repressed and
“forgotten” about, or are too scared or uncomfortable talking about with people
in your life. With the support and
guidance of a good therapist, you will come to understand how your past has
affected you in the present; you will be
able to resolve past traumas that continue to unconsciously play out in your
life, and you will feel more content, stable, and generally function far better
in all areas of your life.
Essentially, our job is to create safety and undo your
sense of aloneness so you can free yourself to be yourself. Here is how it
works:
When something bad happens and we feel powerless –
powerless to control our environment or our future, we create psychological strategies
to protect ourselves. These are called defenses. Defenses are not bad; without
them we literally couldn't function.
The bad news is that defenses can interfere with
your quality of life ... your ability to love and be loved, to pursue goals or experience
self- worth. When that happens, our job is to help you work through or around these
defenses. Many of these defenses developed outside of your conscious awareness
during vulnerable times in childhood. They are no longer necessary and are
depriving you of experiencing the life that you want. Gently, compassionately
and tenaciously, we dissolve these defenses so that you can know and express
your real nature.
We do this by helping you connect with yourself as
deeply as you are capable. We also help you connect with us in an honest and
deep way so that you can experience the essential safety and security you need
in order to heal. As we work together, new restorative experiences associated
with feeling loved and whole become available to you. Your life, and relationship
to yourself and others starts to deepen and expand. Fear gives way to freedom
and curiosity. Anger gives way to
acceptance. And sorrow eases, creating room for resilience, love and self-
activation.
Q: What are other benefits of therapy?
A: With the help of a trained professional, you
come to understand the core of your struggles and how they are connected with
the difficulties in your life, work and relationships. You will develop the tools to cope with and
change behavioral patterns that don’t work for you. Because we are largely unconscious beings,
and are largely driven by what is unconscious, therapy is about making us more
conscious so that we have more control over our lives, feelings and
behaviors. We stop making the same
mistakes over and over. We choose healthier
people and develop a sense of empowerment.
Our relationships also become more intimate and satisfying. Psychotherapy produces positive effects in 92% of
participants. The longer you stay in therapy, the better the results. People who are
active in therapy do better than those that are passive. Those who actively
engage by being open, asking questions, and following up do better. For most psychological conditions, people in
therapy alone do as well as people who have medication plus therapy. Those who stay in therapy only as long as
insurance coverage allows do worse than those who stay until their concerns are
resolved.
Q: How will I know you are the right therapist
for me?
A: You will know this very quickly. While there are many skilled therapists out
there, you can’t predict “chemistry” and whether the connection will feel right
to you. Very soon into your first few
sessions you should feel understood, not only with regard to the content of
what you are talking about, but on a much deeper level. Your therapist should be able to make
connections for you that you had never previously considered and give you some
insights that should be helpful. You
should have a ‘gut’ feeling, and a sense of relief, when you leave the first
session.
You really need to meet a therapist face-to-face in
order to get a good idea of what he/she is like as a person and as a
professional. At your first meeting you should keep these questions in mind:
How easy is it to talk to him/her?
Does he/she seem like someone I could trust?
Is he/she really listening to me?
Does he/she seem to know what he/she is doing?
Does he/she seem confident and competent?
Do I feel comfortable with him/her?
Could I ever show this person the deepest, ugliest
parts of myself?
Does he/she seem to have the capacity to handle me?
Q: I’m a very private person and it’s important
to me that issues I talk about are confidential. Is my confidentiality completely
protected?
A: By law I am bound to protect your
confidentiality. The exceptions to this are related to child or elder abuse, a
threat to harm another person, or if you are in danger of self-harm.
Q: What makes for a good therapist?
A: A good therapist is one who is kind, well
educated, experienced, insightful, empathic, has good boundaries, is reliable,
ethical and professional; one who has
participated in their own therapy (although they may not reveal this to you),
and is knowledgeable about various theories of practice (rather than just being
trained in one modality, e.g., Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).
A good therapist is deeply and genuinely interested
in their client as a person and will understand and relate to them according to
that person’s particular needs.
Q: How long does therapy take?
A: No one can answer this honestly. It depends on many factors, including your goals, your
history of trauma, your response to treatment, and your level of motivation.
Q: What kinds of therapy work best?
A: There really isn’t one type of therapy that
is best. Typically, what is most
important is that the therapist is trained in a range of modalities. There is not a “one size fits all” approach
to therapy. Someone who is
comprehensively trained in approaches that target the body (e.g., EMDR, EFT or SE), the mind, i.e., Evidence Based Practices that address distorted
thoughts and are more practical in nature, and that addresses the unconscious, e.g.,
Psychodynamic/Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy, are, in combination, highly
effective in working with any and all issues that emerge.
Q: How will I know if therapy is helping?
A: You should know rather quickly. You will begin to feel better, view things
differently, have more self-awareness, coping skills, and hope.
Q: Why would I want to talk about difficult or
painful things?
A: If it is locked inside you, it is causing
symptoms. Imagine you had an untreated
medical condition. You would develop
symptoms, feel unwell, and it would affect all areas of your life. The same is true about untreated
psychological conditions. We
don’t
recognize the symptoms as problems because we justify them, rationalize them
away, deny, minimize or even blame others.
But if we are honest with ourselves and think about the feedback we get
from others, the patterns in our
relationships, our moods and anxiety, etc., consider that there are significant
reasons for these issues. These are the
tell-tale signs that there is something underlying that is unresolved and needs
attention. If we limp for a long time,
we might need surgery, which will be painful in the short term, but in the long
term, we get relief and are far more functional. The same is true about emotional or
psychological issues.
Terry
Jordan, LCSW, DCSW is a psychotherapist in private practice in West Los
Angeles, an Adjunct Faculty professor at USC and a clinical supervisor of
masters level clinicians. She is
certified in EMDR, has an advanced certification from the Southern California
Psychoanalytic Institute, and her areas of expertise include grief and loss,
particularly loss to suicide, trauma, LGBTQIA, couples therapy and
relationships, depression and anxiety.
For more info, please visit my website.
TERRY JORDAN,
LCSW, DCSW, 2001 S. Barrington Ave, # 202, Los Angeles, CA 90025
(310) 895-4848 terry@psychotherapyinla.com https://www.psychotherapyinla.com
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